Scavenger Hunt
by Steph5
Summary: The wedding of the year...well it's not who you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge...he's exactly who you'd expect.
1. Default Chapter

Scavenger Hunt

By Steph

Summary: The wedding of the year…well it's not who'd you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge…he's exactly who'd you expect.

I do not own anything related to _Gilmore Girls._

Dedicated to **Iris,** the most fantabulous PIC that ever existed; **Jamie**, because she's always so encouraging; **Janine**, because she cracks me up; and **Nate**, because we have the most interesting and bizarre IM conversations. Also dedicated to the **Auteurs** on f4f, because we all know that while Kirk scenes are good, Kirk and Luke scenes are magic.

* * *

Part 1

Kirk seemed dazed.

This wasn't earth shattering news to Luke; in his opinion, Kirk often seemed a little lost, a little out of it.

What was strange was that forty-five minutes had passed since Luke had served Kirk a patty melt cut into stars and a lemonade with a Flexi-straw and Kirk hadn't touched either of them.

Luke sighed audibly, but no one paid attention. The only person who was close enough to hear him was Lane, but she didn't look up. He walked over to Kirk.

"Planning on eating?" he asked him. "Cause I could use the extra table if you're not."

Kirk turned to Luke, his eyes huge. In a hoarse voice he said, "I need to find an engagement ring."

"Why?" Luke asked. "Are you on another scavenger hunt?"

"I need to find a ring for Lulu," he said.

"You're going to propose?" Luke asked. Yeah, that sounded like a brilliant idea.

"No," Kirk said sounding almost hysterical. "She proposed to me last night."

"Well, hey, congratulations," Luke said.

"Thanks, man," Kirk said. "We're going to have a wedding in two weeks."

"Two weeks?" Luke asked. "Is she pregnant?"

"No," Kirk said. "We have yet to consummate our relationship."

Luke winced. He did not need to know that. He continued his questioning. "Why so soon then?"

"The shorter the engagement, the less time she has to change her mind."

"Well, good luck," Luke said, keeping his eye on the door. "And let me know how the wedding turns out."

"What do you mean?" Kirk said. "You'll be there."

"I'm invited?" Luke said. "Well, thanks."

"Invited?" Kirk asked. "You're going to be my best man."

"Well, I'm flattered," Luke said. "But…"

"I'm going to need your help," Kirk said. "We only have two weeks and I need to buy a tux, and find a place to hold the wedding, find music and I'm not good at these things."

"Well, " Luke said signaling to the newly arrived couple that he'd be there in a second. "Why don't you talk to Lorelai. She's good at planning events."

"She's out of town," Kirk said miserably. "She went somewhere with her boyfriend. I'm picking up her mail."

Lorelai had a boyfriend? That was news to him. This day just kept getting better and better.

"Maybe your mother or father can help you," Luke suggested.

Kirk shook his head bitterly. "My dad told me he wasn't going to support the wedding because it was only going to end badly."

"Ouch," Luke said.

"I know. And my mom…well she's not great at planning things…"

Kirk's mother, Luke knew, was crazy. Bats in the belfry crazy. But still Luke kept pushing.

"Lulu's parents will help in the planning. The bride's parents love to plan the wedding." This he knew from experience. Nicole's mother had cried for hours upon hearing that her only daughter had gotten married on a cruise.

"Lulu's parents are dead," Kirk said. "Please help me, Luke, you're all I've got. All we've got."

God, this was just pitiful. He really wanted to say no. He needed to say no. Maybe he could be the best man, but he couldn't plan the whole wedding for him. This whole situation was ridiculous.

But Kirk was staring up at him, hopefully and if there was something Luke couldn't do, it was saying no to someone who needed him.

He needed to be strong. But Kirk was still looking at him like some pathetic little puppy. And he felt himself weakening.

He sighed, knowing this battle had already been lost. "I can help. A little."

He hated that he was such a goddamned softy.

Kirk stood up excitedly, knocking his glass of lemonade off the table. Luke watched it pool into a puddle on the floor without interest.

"Thank you, Luke," Kirk said. "Will you throw me a bachelor party too?"

Luke sighed. "I can look into it."

"And you know strippers, right?"

"Not personally," Luke said.

"Oh," Kirk said sadly. "I was sure that you did."

"Why on earth would you think….you know never mind. I have to go wait on customers."

"Right," Kirk said. He walked up to Luke and hugged him very awkwardly. Luke tried to break away without offending him. People were starting to look at them. He sighed again.

Kirk broke away promising that he would talk to Luke later about plans. Luke weakly nodded, again cursing his lack of backbone.

Great, Luke thought to himself. He had two weeks to plan a wedding.

He would need some help.

* * *

The baby was giving Luke a dirty look.

At first, Luke thought the baby had gas or was ill. Then he thought he was imagining everything. But after a few uncomfortable seconds, Luke was convinced. The baby was glaring at him. It was starting to make him uncomfortable. He focused on the papers in front of him.

"What do you think? Is it doable?" he asked.

Sookie bit her lip. "Will you able to split the workload with me? I can make the wedding cake and the appetizers. Can you do the main course?"

Luke rearranged his baseball cap and tried not to meet the baby's eyes. "I don't know," Luke said. "Normally, it would be no problem. But I also have to find some music, help him find a tux, talk to the reverend about renting the church…oh and somehow plan a bachelor party too."

"Okay," Sookie said sounding sympathetic. "I'll do the main course too. Did Kirk give you money?"

"Yep," Luke said. He took some bills out of his pocket. "Courtesy of the newlyweds." Kirk had given him the money this morning and said solemnly, "I will never forget this."

"Thanks," she said.

"I can't believe that he wants me planning everything," Luke said shaking his head. "If he was smart, he and Lulu would choose everything themselves. I told him that that way they wouldn't be disappointed. He said that they want to be surprised. Can you believe that? I don't know who is the bigger moron, him or me."

"He trusts you," Sookie said. "Now don't worry about the food. I'll take care of it. What's next on the list?"

"Music," Luke said. "I'm hoping that Lane'll help me with that one."

"She will," Sookie said.

"Why me?" Luke said. "Why didn't he ask Taylor or Patty? People who like planning things and have nothing but time on their hands."

"He looks up to you."

"I hate him," Luke said to Sookie.

She giggled. "No you don't. Now go talk to Lane and don't worry about the food at all. Promise?"

He let out a breath. "Promise. Thanks. I do appreciate it."

"I know you do. And Lorelai will be back in a few days and can help with the final plans."

"I know," he said. He stood up.

The baby snarled at him. Luke made a hasty exit out of there.

* * *

"You have two options," Lane told him.

"Yeah, what's that?" he asked. His head was pounding.

"Well I can spin records for a few hours. Or my band can play." She sounded very excited about the second option.

"I didn't think you knew standards," he said.

"We'll learn," Lane said sounding almost giddy. "We need the experience. I have to tell the guys."

"Can you learn standards in two weeks?" Luke asked. "Less than that actually. A week from Saturday."

"What if we do half and half? I can DJ for the standards and our band can play a set."

"That sounds okay," he said. "But remember it's a mixed audience of mixed ages. So try to limit the Nirvana."

Lane grinned. "Sure."

"Now there isn't a whole lot of money left for you kids," Luke admitted.

Lane considered this. "Can you patch up the ceiling in our apartment as payment? It would be a big help. I'm afraid the whole thing might cave in. Brian's afraid he's going to end up in the hospital. Well he always thinks that, but he means because of the falling pieces."

"I'll do that any way," Luke said shaking his head. "You know that. That's not payment. You need a ceiling."

"Maybe you can bring us some hot food when you patch the ceiling? We've been living on ramen and ketchup. Can that be our deal?"

"Sounds like a deal," Luke said. They shook hands.

* * *

Food, check. Music, check.

Next problem…

"I need an answer," Luke said frowning, even though he knew Kirk couldn't see it over the phone. "Yes or no, Kirk?"

"Maybe you should decide," Kirk said.

"It's your party. I'm not deciding this. Yes or no?"

"They take off all their clothes?"

"Yes, Kirk," Luke said. "They take their clothes off. They strip. Hence them being called strippers. Do you want them?"

"No, it's okay. But if I don't have strippers at my bachelor party, what can I have?"

"What do you want?"

"I don't know. Games I guess. Can there be food?"

Luke couldn't help but smile. "Sure, Kirk. There can be food."

* * *

The plans were progressing. Sookie was in charge of the food and despite a few, frantic late night calls ("I'm not using garlic, Luke! Are you okay with that?" "Jackson doesn't like the apple crop -- come hell or high water, we're going peach!"), everything was fairly under control. Lane was working on music ("So I know you said no Nirvana, Luke, but where do you stand on the Foo Fighters? Cause 'Everlong' is a kick-ass romantic song."). The church was booked. Next week, they would work on inviting people by word of mouth ("I don't want to invite people until the last minute," Kirk said gravely. "I feel people won't come if I give them enough time to think of an alibi."). According to Rory, whom he had called at school in a moment of panic, Lorelai was expected back in two days. When Lorelai got home, she would deal with the chairs and tables and the set-up for the actual ceremony. At least he hoped so. He had left a rambling, semi-incoherent message on her cell phone. She hadn't returned his message yet.

"Stop worrying," Sookie told him. "She plans things for a living. Relax."

There was nothing else he could do that night. All he wanted was to sit in front of the television and watch some sports and drink beer.

He walked home from Sookie and Jackson's house (Jackson had agreed to help him plan the bachelor party). In his head, he thought of what he had to do tomorrow. Besides work of course.

Tux shopping with Kirk. Kirk refused to go alone. Luke also wanted to stop by Lane's to survey the damage to the ceiling.

But for now, it was just beer and television.

Or maybe not.

Sitting on the steps was a young woman. It was dark and he couldn't tell at first who it was. When he approached, she stood up. She was young, in a leather jacket over a flowery dress.

"Mr. Danes, you don't know how grateful I am to you for helping us with the wedding," she said with a shy smile.

And then she burst into tears.

To be continued…


	2. Ch 2

Scavenger Hunt

Part 2

By Steph

(awriter78hotmail.com)

Summary: The wedding of the year…well it's not who you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge…he's exactly who you expect.

I do not own anything related to _Gilmore Girls._

---------

"I'm so sorry," Lulu said in between sobs. "Just give me a second to compose myself."

Luke nodded and looked at his shoes. He never knew what to do when people cried in front of him.

Especially when the person crying was someone he didn't even really know. He should say something though. Anything.

"Hey," he said. "Want a beer?"

She sniffled. "Yes. Th-thank you."

"I'll be right back," he said uncomfortably. He walked up into his apartment and checked his answering machine. No messages. Where was Lorelai? He opened his fridge and took out two beers. He thought about turning on the TV quickly and catching the score, but decided against it.

She gratefully accepted the beer he handed her. Neither of them said anything. He glanced at her and realized how young she suddenly looked.

"You old enough to be drinking that?" he asked.

She wiped her eyes and attempted a smile. "I'm 26. But that's sweet of you to ask."

"I wasn't asking to be sweet," he said gruffly. "I was asking because I didn't want to be arrested for giving alcohol to a minor."

"A minor?" she said shaking her head. "I'm old enough to be drinking beer. Old enough to be getting married in a week.."

"Old enough to be marrying Kirk," Luke said. "You are still going to get married, right?" He figured that he wasn't being too nosy. He was, after all, planning the whole damned thing. If the wedding was being called off, he figured that he had a right to know.

"Yes," she said. "I'm still getting married next Saturday. I'm going to be Lulu Gleason."

"Was that why you were crying?" Luke asked. "Because I'd understand that. They're an odd group of people."

"No, it wasn't why I was crying," Lulu said. She sat down on the step. "And I've known the family for years. Did you know I used to date one of Kirk's brothers?"

"I think I remember Kirk saying that. Which one was it? Ralph?" Luke asked. Ralph was a few older than Luke. Ralph was a hugger. He hugged everyone. Once when Luke was fourteen and Ralph was sixteen, Ralph had attempted to hug Luke.

Ralph had ended up with a black eye.

And he was one of the more normal Gleasons.

"No, I never met Ralph. I dated Ethan. The one with the hamster."

Ethan had a hamster that he used to walk on a leash. A very long leash.

At the disgusted expression on his face, Lulu smiled. "We were more like good friends who hung out together than a serious couple. I used to have Sunday dinners with the family. I always ended up sitting next to Kirk and Kirk was always nice to me and made me laugh. I broke up with Ethan and then moved away. I came back here to visit my mother and decided to look Kirk up and see how he was doing."

"I thought Kirk said your parents were dead," Luke said. He didn't mean to pry, but if there was someone else available to plan the wedding…then he wouldn't turn his nose up at that.

"My father and stepmother are dead. They raised me. My birth mother lives here. I'm not very close to her, but she is happy about the upcoming nuptials and she is going to attend. In fact, I'm going to wear her wedding dress."

Luke breathed a quick sigh of relief. There was a part of him that worried he was going to be asked to pick out Lulu's wedding dress out for her. Since he was planning everything else.

"Can I ask you something?" Luke asked.

"Sure."

"Why are you getting married so quickly after getting engaged? I mean, I know it's not my business…"

"No, it's okay," she said. "Kirk and I both want something simple. A small wedding with just a few friends and family members. That's it. I don't really see any reason to wait and neither did he."

"How many people are you inviting? We need to start planning seating arrangements."

"I have 10 and they're all coming. My mother and her boyfriend, my aunt and uncle, and my three closest friends and their dates. That's all I have."

"You can invite more if you want," Luke said.

"No, that's all," Lulu said. "I don't really have a lot of people in my life."

He could empathize. "You have Kirk," he pointed out.

"Yes," she said. "I have Kirk."

They sat in silence. He was contemplating asking her if she wanted another beer when she suddenly turned to him.

"I don't know why I was crying. I mean, I came here to thank you for helping, but I just…"

Great. Now things were going to get uncomfortable again. "You don't have to explain."

"I feel like I do," she said softly. "I do love him and we're going to get married on Saturday. And I am happy. You shouldn't propose to someone if you don't love them."

Luke knew that firsthand from his recent failed experiment with marriage. "You're right."

"I've been really emotional lately. And you've been so nice to Kirk. You're almost like a dad to him, or at least an older brother, because you can't be that much older than Kirk, and it makes me miss my dad."

Luke shook his head. "Kirk has a father. And several older brothers."

"His father is evil and his brothers aren't too nice to him either," she said. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward. I'm just saying that both Kirk and I appreciate all you're doing."

He looked away embarrassed. "It's nothing."

"It's a lot," she said. "And we won't forget it. If you ever find yourself needing anything, we hope you'll come to us."

Now he was really embarrassed. "Don't worry about it."

She stood up and handed him her empty beer bottle. "Thanks for listening."

He took it from her. "I should get in. I have to be up early tomorrow."

"Sure," she said. "I hear you're going tux shopping tomorrow."

"Yep. Any requests for him?"

"Keep it basic," she said. "Traditional. But if he's dead-set on something, I'm not going to object."

He nodded. "Got it."

"Oh, I have one last question then I'll leave. My best friend wants to take me out. A girls night out type of thing."

"Uh huh," he said wondering where she was going with this.

"You wouldn't know where we could find a stripper around here, would you?"

--------

"You look awful," Sookie told him cheerfully. She sat down at the counter.

"I haven't been sleeping well," he said. "I keep waking up thinking that I'm forgetting something."

"I brought you something," she said. "I'm debating between these two kinds of wedding cake. Mind tasting?"

He looked around. It didn't seem too busy. "No," he said. She opened up the tin she had. He grabbed a fork. "The second one," he said after tasting.

"That's what I was I was leaning towards too," she said nodding. "Good."

"Are you ordering?" he asked.

"Sure. Cheeseburger and a salad."

He wrote it down and then looked around the diner again. She was the only person in earshot.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" he whispered.

"Sure. What's up?"

He muttered his question. "I didn't hear that," she whispered back.

"Lulu wants to find a stripper for her bachelorette party," he said. "She asked me if I knew anyone. And I don't obviously."

"Why did she ask you?" Sookie asked sounding confused.

"I don't know," he said still speaking low. "I don't know why people look at me and think stripper."

Sookie giggled. Luke realized what he had just said and frowned. "That came out wrong."

"Give me her number," Sookie said. "I've been to a few bachelorette parties recently and I can ask around."

"Thanks," he said gratefully. He wrote it on a napkin and gave it to her. She was still smirking. He left to take an order.

-----

"So this is where we are," Luke said to Kirk that night. Luke was closing up the diner, Kirk was waiting for him so they could go tux shopping. "Sookie's doing all the food. Lane's helping with music. Jackson and I are going to plan you a bachelor party. Lorelai will be here tomorrow so you can talk to her about seating."

"Everybody's helping," he said shaking his head. "I wasn't prepared for that."

Luke couldn't say anything to that. So he continued cleaning.

"Can I help?" Kirk asked him.

"No, I'm fine," he said. "So, what does Lulu do?" Luke figured that if he could keep Kirk talking it would distract him from doing things like making napkin origami which in the end only made more work for Luke.

"She's a teacher," Kirk said proudly. "She's very smart."

"Sure," Luke said.

"And she's so beautiful," Kirk said. "I've always had a crush on her. Even when she was dating Ethan."

"You're a lucky guy," Luke said. He scrutinized the ketchup containers. He could save the refilling until tomorrow. He wanted to get the shopping over with. He hated shopping.

"I am," Kirk said. "I can't believe I'm getting married.

Yeah, neither could Luke, but he didn't say anything.

"Maybe I can help you the next time you get married. I mean, since your first marriage ended so badly."

Luke looked up and debated the merits of hitting Kirk. It would feel good and release a lot of his pent-up tension. On the other hand, it would raise a lot of questions. So Luke ignored him.

"Can I ask you something, Luke?" Kirk asked.

"What, Kirk?" Luke asked sharply.

"I need some advice."

"On what, Kirk?"

"About women," Kirk said. He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you had some sage advice to pass on to me."

"I don't think I'm the guy to ask," Luke said.

"Well, I know how to be romantic. I'm very romantic, Luke."

"I'll take your word for it."

"That's not what I mean though. I mean, when the time comes after the wedding to consummate our relationship…that's the kind of advice I was hoping you'd pass along my way."

Luke blinked. Was Kirk asking him for sex advice?

What the hell was wrong with this guy?

What the hell was he supposed to tell him?

Just then there was a knock on the diner door.

Thank god.

He opened the door.

"I came back early," Lorelai said. "Sorry I didn't call you back," she said to Luke. "My cell phone has issues. So I hear there's a wedding to plan. Where are you with the plans?"

"We'll talk later about this, right Luke?" Kirk asked hopefully. "About what we were just discussing?"

Luke grunted in his general direction.

He looked over at Lorelai and Luke. They were going over plans. Good. He could relax a little bit.

"I want you to hear this too," Kirk said to Luke. He turned to Lorelai. "Luke's been planning this whole thing for Lulu and me."

"I've heard," she said. She looked over at Luke. "Take a seat. This could take awhile."

They'd probably have to postpone tux shopping.

It was going to be a long night.

To be continued…


	3. Ch 3

Scavenger Hunt

Part 3

By Steph (awriter78hotmail.com)

Dedicated to my buds at the TWoP fic board. Thank you for all the support.

--------------------------

"I have to warn you," Kirk said. "Sometimes I have trouble fitting into clothes."

Luke gripped the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. How could a fifteen minute car ride with no traffic take so long?

"My mother," Kirk continued, oblivious, "always told me I had a swimmers' build. I don't really like swimming though. My skin doesn't really react well to chlorine. Sometimes I get rashes."

They were driving to the tuxedo shop. The owner of the shop, some third cousin of Patty's second ex-husband offered to stay open late so they could go shopping after Luke closed the diner.

"Sure, I remember Patty," the owner had said smarmily. "And sure you guys can come on over after hours. Any friend of Patty's is a friend of mine."

"I was thinking about joining a gym," Kirk said. Either he didn't pick up on Luke's unease or didn't care. "Although I should have joined one a long time ago. I know I can't bulk up much before the wedding. I just want to look good for Lulu. For the wedding night, you know. When I'm naked."

"Stop," Luke said. "Please." Why was this car trip taking so long?

"Sorry," Kirk said quietly, finally picking up on Luke's mood. "Can I ask you one last thing?"

Luke took a deep breath and tried to keep his voice even. "What is it, Kirk?"

"What if the tux doesn't fit?" he asked.

"I'm sure we can get it tailored." He turned into the parking lot. "Come on," he said. "Let's get this thing over with."

-----------------

Kirk and Luke looked through the tuxes while the owner hovered creepily around them. Kirk's first question to the owner had been a high-pitched, "What if the tux I like doesn't fit me?"

The owner, who quickly introduced himself as Charles, reassured Kirk that he was more than happy to tailor anything for him.

"How about this?" Luke asked. It was a very traditional tux, no frills.

Kirk looked at it and frowned, deep in thought. "I don't know."

"Why don't you try it on?" Charles said. "And remember we can do alterations."

"Right," Kirk said. He took the clothes and went into the dressing room.

Charles turned to Luke and said, "Your son seems a little anxious."

Luke didn't know if he was more insulted that the guy thought he looked old enough to have a son Kirk's age or that the guy thought Luke could have a son like Kirk.

Honestly, it was a toss up.

"He's not my son," Luke said through gritted teeth.

"Oh," was the only thing Charles said.

"What's taking him so long?" Luke asked.

"Well," Kirk yelled, still inside the dressing room. "The good news is that I like this, the bad news is that it doesn't quite fit."

"You can keep looking," Luke said. "I'm sure you'll find something else."

"It's okay," Kirk said, stepping out of the dressing room. "I know you're in a hurry."

"Oh yes," Charles said rubbing his hands together. "We'll need to start on the alterations immediately."

Luke looked down, feeling slightly guilty, and said, "Kirk, if you really want to keep looking, it's fine."

Well that was one reason he looked down. The other was so he wouldn't make eye contact with Kirk, standing in front of them with pants that were both too wide and too long. The jacket also draped over Kirk's slight frame in a very unflattering way. He looked like he was playing dress-up.

Luke was afraid that he was just exhausted and stressed enough to start laughing and he didn't think that Kirk would appreciate that.

"No, no I like this," Kirk said. "And I know Lulu will love this. When can the alterations be ready?"

Charles looked Kirk over. "While he," nodding at Luke, "looks for a tux of his own, I'll start measuring where it needs to be taken in. Let me get my measure. I can put a rush order on this."

Luke shook his head. "I have a suit. I don't need a tux."

"Well," Charles said waving his hand. "I'll be a few minutes here working on this so feel free to look around. We have a wide selection of dress shirts and pants."

Luke frowned, but what else was he going to do with his time? Maybe he did need some new dressy pants.

He went through the racks twice before coming to the conclusion that there was not one pair in his

size. That couldn't be right, could it? It had been a long time since he bought new clothes. He grabbed a pair of pants that looked like it might fit and went into the dressing room.

He had just zipped up the pair of pants (much too long and a little too big around the waist-- what kind of customer was this store catering to?) when he heard Kirk say, "Luke, what do you think?"

After changing back into his jeans, Luke walked out into the front area and took a look. "See, we're going to take some in here and here," Charles explained. Luke had to admit that it was a huge improvement.

"How did your pants fit?" Kirk asked him.

"They didn't," Luke said. "Way too long."

"That's no problem to alter," Charles said.

"It's okay," Luke said. "Really. I have a suit."

"Tell you what," Charles said. "Buy the pants and get them altered and I'll give you a 15% discount as well as a 15% discount on his tux."

"That's a good deal," Kirk said seriously. "And I like saving money."

"Fine," Luke reluctantly agreed.

-------------------

He was in the process of getting his pants measured for alterations (a very uncomfortable process) when a cell phone rang.

"That's me," Kirk said. "Lulu gave me a phone for my birthday."

"Yeah, he's right here," Kirk said into the phone. He handed Luke the phone. "It's Lorelai."

Luke shot Charles a look to stop fiddling with his pants. Charles didn't pick up on it.

"I hate cell phones," he said into the phone.

She laughed. "I'm sorry to interrupt the male bonding, but I was wondering if you can stop by the inn tomorrow."

He was trying to figure out when he'd be able to squeeze that in (he still hadn't looked at Lane's ceiling yet) when Charles, still altering, started to get a little too close to a certain area.

Way too close to a certain area.

"Watch where you're putting your goddamned hands," Luke warned angrily, forgetting for a second that he was still on the phone.

"You're all done," Charles said quickly. "I'll start ringing everything up."

"Sorry," he said to Lorelai.

"I know it's belated, but can I just add a 'dirty?'"

"I'd rather you didn't," he said dryly. "What do you need tomorrow?"

"Just finalizing the seating chart. And I wanted to show you some decorations. It'll just take twenty minutes."

"Fine," he said.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "Is someone sexually harassing you?"

"No," he said. "I'm fine."

"Good to hear," she said.

"I'll come by tomorrow," he promised.

"Thanks," she said.

He hung up and walked over to the cash register.

After Charles promised that he would call them in two days with the alterations, Kirk and Luke walked outside. Luke noticed that Kirk had a piece of paper in his hands.

"What's that?" Luke asked curiously.

"Job application," Kirk answered.

------------------

"You don't look so good," Lorelai said to him. "No offense."

"I was looking at suits until eleven last night. I had to wake up at four to open up. Cesar's coming in late because of a family emergency which not only means that I've got double duty, but that I've had to put an eighteen-year-old in charge while I'm here."

"I'll be quick," Lorelai said. "Or better yet, we can reschedule. Can we look over everything tonight?"

Tonight. He knew he was doing something tonight. Oh yeah.

"Can't," he said, shaking his head. "I have to go see Jackson and plan a bachelor party."

"Tell you what. I'll come by the diner for dinner and bring the paperwork with me. I'll take some pictures of the decorations and bring them too."

"That'll be great," he said. "Cesar will be there, so I won't be as busy."

And it was back to work.

--------------------

"I'm really glad you asked Jackson for help on the bachelor party," Sookie said to him when she answered the door. She was holding the baby. Luke tried not to look at him.

"Why?" he asked.

"He's had some problematic crops lately," Sookie said gravely. "He's spent a lot of time singing to them, playing them pop music, talking to them…"

"Talking to them?" Luke asked. "About…?"

"Anything," Sookie said. "That's why I'm happy to see you. He needs more human interaction. More two-sided conversations."

"Sure," Luke said. Who didn't?

"Oh, before I forget," she said. "I talked to Lulu. Gave her the names of some male strippers. There's this one guy who wears this…"

"Hey," Jackson said, joining them. Luke breathed a sigh of relief that that conversation had ended where it did.

"Hey," Luke said. "And thanks for helping her," he told Sookie.

"No problem," she said. "So, I'll let you guys get started and I'll bring out some cookies."

They sat down and Luke started talking. "He doesn't want strippers; he wants games and food. So I was thinking poker. Kirk wants a really small party including you and me, Andrew, Joe and for some reason that I haven't been able to figure out, Taylor. I was just going to make something easy like sandwiches…chips and dip…nothing too fancy. Will you invite everyone for me? Say eight o'clock Friday at the diner?"

"Got it," Jackson said making a note. "What else can I do?"

"If you can go to the market and buy some stuff…just some chips and drinks. Sodas and harder stuff too. I don't think Kirk's much of a drinker, but by Friday night I know I'll be."

"Sure," Jackson said. "Glad to be able to help. Let me know if you there's anything else you need help with."

"Thanks," Luke said standing up. "Let me know if there are any problems."

"I will," he said. "Hey, Luke, can I get your opinion on something?

"Sure."

"If you were a zucchini, do you think you'd prefer Britney or Christina?"

----------------

The next night, Kirk came to see him. "Charles called. The alterations are done. I'll pick them up tomorrow."

"Great," Luke said. "Thanks." One less trip for him.

Kirk didn't say anything. Luke waited for something, anything from him. Finally he said, "Is there something else I can do for you, Kirk?"

He looked up at Luke and almost shyly said, "Remember how we were talking before? About the honeymoon? I think I'm ready to get your advice now."

To be continued…


	4. Ch 4

Scavenger Hunt

Part 4

By Steph (awriter78hotmail.com)

Summary: The wedding of the year…well it's not who you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge…he's exactly who you expect.

I do not own anything related to _Gilmore Girls._

------

"I don't know about this Kirk," Luke said uncomfortably. "Don't you have a family member you can talk to about this?"

"My father doesn't believe in discussing these types of topics. Not with me anyway. I suppose I could ask my mother, but that might be a little awkward."

"Sure," Luke agreed.

"Plus she used to make the most horrible noises when she and my father were intimate. I don't think it was pleasant for her. I want the copulation to be pleasant for Lulu."

Luke closed his eyes. He had planning this damn wedding for too long and had been sleeping too little. And now he was supposed to sit Kirk down and have "the talk." There were two options. He could knock Kirk unconscious. Or he could release the stress of the last week a different way.

Luke grinned. And then he started chuckling. Of course he would have to be the one to give Kirk sex advice. Who else but him would be such a fool? He threw his head back and laughed.

Kirk smiled nervously at him. Naturally Kirk was nervous; he probably suspected that Luke had finally crumbled under the pressure and was having a psychotic break.

"Well," Luke said, his voice cracking from the laughter, "sometimes when a man loves a woman he wants to show her. And see, a woman has an egg and a man has the sper--" He wiped a tear from his eye, still laughing.

Kirk looked positively frightened at this point. "I know the biology of it. I know how babies are made."

"So what do you need, Kirk?" Luke asked. "Some visual aids? I'll call Jackson to see if he can bring by some zucchini."

"Well, I don't think--"

"You still work at the video store, right?" Luke asked him. "Do you rent out pornography? Cause that might give you some tips. I mean some of the techniques might be a little advanced for a novice, but it might be a good starting off point."

"Luke--"

"Maybe Andrew has some books. I've heard really good things about the _Kama Sutra_." He could barely get the last part of the sentence out, he was laughing so hard.

"I need help, Luke," Kirk said. "And you're my best friend."

Luke stopped laughing. That was enough to sober anybody up. "What exactly do you want from me, Kirk?"

"I don't know," Kirk said. "I know the…the mechanics of the act. I know what is…supposed to happen. I've seen movies and…well Mother's gotten very addicted to _Sex and the City_."

"Sure," Luke said.

"I just need some pointers," Kirk said. "Tips you've picked up along the way. And I've heard that you're the guy to ask."

Luke couldn't have possibly heard that right. "I'm sorry?" Luke said.

"I went to a town meeting once, now this was years and years ago. I was sitting in front of Patty and Babette. You walked in with Rachel and once you two sat down, they started talking about you two."

"Yeah?" Luke asked. He should tell Kirk to stop. This was going to be bad. He knew it, he could feel it. "I don't think I'm going to want to hear this."

"No, it's a good thing. Babette made some comment about how happy Rachel looked. And Patty said of course she did. Patty said sleeping with Luke would make any girl happy, because and I quote 'he looks like a guy who knows what he's doing.'"

"We're stopping this part of the conversation now," Luke said. "In fact, if I was smart, I'd tell you to go home."

"You should be flattered," Kirk said earnestly. "I'd love to have your reputation. I have a reputation too…it isn't as flattering."

Luke frowned. "If we're going to have this conversation and God help me it looks like we are, all talk of my supposed reputation will cease immediately."

"I'm listening," Kirk said. He sat down across from Luke. He looked at him eagerly.

"I don't know what you--" Luke began.

"Wait," Kirk interrupted. He took out a mini tape recorder and pressed the play button,

"Nope," Luke said. He turned it off. "No way in hell."

"But I want to remember everything," Kirk said. "Do you have a notepad?"

"You won't need it," Luke said. "This is going to be short and sweet. And I don't want any evidence that this conversation ever took place."

"I'm listening," Kirk said.

Luke rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't even know where to begin with this."

"I've prepared a list of questions," Kirk said helpfully. He took a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. At Luke's stare, Kirk explained, "I've been taking an origami class. That's why it's in the shape of a dragon."

Luke unfolded the dragon. He looked at the list:

-----

Lulu likes chicken, but is allergic to some shellfish. She likes the colors pink and blue. She's not a big fan of lemon.

-----

Luke closed his eyes. He opened them again. Yep, Kirk was still sitting there, watching expectantly. He looked again at the list. "I don't know what to do with this."

"What do you mean?" Kirk asked. "I thought the questions were pretty straightforward."

"Lulu likes chicken…" Luke read, dumbfounded. "I don't know what to make of this. Is that some sort of a code?"

"Lulu likes chicken?" Kirk repeated. "I don't understand. Let me see that."

Luke handed him the paper. Kirk read it over. "This is bad, Luke. If I gave you this list, I gave the other list…the one with my questions to…" He paled.

"Who?" Luke asked.

"I gave my questions to Sookie," he said hoarsely.

------------------

He was happy that it was busy in the diner. If there had been any dead time, any break, he feared that he would lean against the wall and his eyes would close.

After Kirk had figured out the list mix-up, he had paced around Luke's tiny apartment. "She'd asked me for any requests for the menu right about the time that I had come up with the list of questions for you. I had put your list in the shape of dragon and hers in the shape of an elephant. But I'm just learning origami and maybe my dragon looks like an elephant…maybe my elephant looks like a dragon. And now she has my questions. I need to get them back. Now."

"Kirk, it's ten. It's too late."

"No," Kirk said. "I have to go now! Let's go."

"No," Luke said. "They have a baby. Let them sleep. You'll get it back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Kirk echoed dully.

"Why don't you go home?" Luke suggested. "Get some sleep. Tomorrow you'll get your list back."

"Please don't send me home without any words of advice. I know I don't have my prepared questions, but please just give me something to work with."

Luke stifled a yawn. "I'm really tired, Kirk."

"I know you are," he said. "And I'll leave soon. Just please don't send me away yet. Five minutes of your time."

"Fine," Luke said. "I'll give you some quick advice. Just a few words, no question and answer session."

"Fantastic," Kirk said. "I'm all ears."

Luke thought a second before saying, "Just remember to be considerate of Lulu. I know sometimes when one's…" He paused looking for the least awkward way to finish his thought, "in the moment, it's easy to…well…lose one's concentration… try not to lose focus on her…feelings or what she…wants." This was proving to be as awkward as he had imagined. He was looking at the ground as he spoke. "I don't know what else to say, Kirk. This is really uncomfortable for me."

"I know," Kirk said. "But that's good advice. To use everyday, not just during intercourse..."

"Don't say that word," Luke said trying not to shudder.

"You've done so much for me," Kirk said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Luke looked at him again. Every once in awhile, he felt twinges of affection for Kirk. Sure, most of the time he just wanted to throttle him, but sometimes (very rarely) he almost felt protective of him. Like now. Kirk looked so solemn, that Luke almost felt a bizarre sort of fondness toward him.

"You know what's weird?" Kirk asked. "You're so full of good advice about how to treat women. And yet, you can't seem to keep a girlfriend yourself."

And with that, the fondness evaporated, replaced with the all-too-familiar feeling of aggravation.

"I think it's time to go," Luke said through gritted teeth. "It's very late."

"Thanks again," Kirk said standing up. "The advice will come in handy."

"Well, I hope when the time comes, you'll remember what I said.

"Yes, when the time comes to consummate with Lulu, I'll definitely be thinking of you."

Luke decided, for his sanity's sake, he would pretend that Kirk had never said that.

----------

"I'll trade you a dragon for an elephant," Sookie said cheerfully to him the next day.

Luke wiped his hands on his jeans and took the multi-creased piece of paper out of his pocket. "All yours."

She scanned the paper. "Well, this is more of what I was expecting. This one is yours," she said.

"So you know about the switch."

"Well," Sookie said, "I had a suspicion that I had the wrong list immediately. I doubted that Kirk was really that interested in my opinion of the missionary position."

"Jeez," Luke said wincing.

"All I have to say," Sookie said giggling, "is judging from some of those questions, Lulu's in for quite a night."

"Stop," Luke begged her. He scanned the list quickly before throwing it away. "We will never talk of this again."

"Only a few more days and they'll be married," she told him. "Keep repeating that to yourself. It might make you feel better."

"Only a few more days," he said.

She was right. It did make him feel a little better.

To be continued….


	5. Ch 5

Scavenger Hunt

Part 5

By Steph

Summary: The wedding of the year…well it's not who you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge…he's exactly who you expect.

A/N: I know there was already a "stripper in the diner" scene in the "_Last Week Fights…" _episode. I'm pretending, for this story's sake, that that scene never happened. Thanks.

I do not own anything related to _Gilmore Girls._

------

His alarm went off Friday morning. He hit it, but didn't immediately start his morning routine. He didn't put a piece of whole wheat toast in the toaster, he didn't walk into the tiny bathroom to turn on the shower, he didn't look through his closet and make the very important decision of what color plaid he wanted to wear that day.

Instead, he lay in bed and his eyes closed again.

The last few days had been crazy. He continued to work his normal hours at the diner, forgoing meals, sleep and his sanity to also fix Lane's ceiling and to plan the wedding.

He had been groped by some guy fitting him for dress pants.

And best of all, he had given a sex talk to Kirk.

It had been quite a week…

And now it was Friday.

Tonight was the bachelor party and miracle of miracles, it was already planned and there was nothing left for him to worry about.

He had prepared sandwiches the day before. Jackson had presented him with bags of chips, dip, and some cartons of ice cream and had promised to bring fresh fruit and vegetable platters.

And best of all, five minutes before closing, Jackson had brought by some liquor.

Lots of liquor. It would come in handy.

Things were good. Sookie had everything food-related under control, Lorelai had the seating and decorations and all the girly-stuff under control.

Lane had all the music under control, but she wouldn't let him hear anything. Every time he asked her about the set list, she would grin at him and say, "It's a surprise."

That worried him a little.

But he wouldn't allow himself to worry right now. He should get up and start his day, but for now it felt good to relax and close his eyes.

The alarm beeped again. It was time to make a decision. Get his ass out of bed and start his day or sleep a little more.

He got out of bed.

-------

"Here you go," Jackson told him that night at the diner. "Cards and poker chips."

"Thanks," Luke said gratefully. "I should probably go check on the food--"

"Everything's organized," Jackson promised. "Oh and I have a special surprise for later."

"What kind of surprise?" Luke asked warily.

"It's a good surprise," Jackson said. "Trust me."

There was a knock on the door. Luke opened it. The guest of honor.

"Thank you for doing this for me," Kirk said. He moved to hug Luke.

"It's nothing," Luke said gruffly, sidestepping him. "Want a drink?"

"What do you have?" Kirk asked.

"I'll make you a Melville special," Jackson volunteered. "It's a little bit of everything."

"Do you think that's such a good idea?" Luke asked.

"Three Melvilles coming up," Jackson said ignoring him and pulling out the bottles and glasses.

"Lulu's at a strip club now," Kirk confided to Luke. "I hope tomorrow I'll measure up. You know. When I'm naked."

"Here you go," Jackson said just in time, placing three shot glasses of…well something in front of each of them. Kirk sniffed it and cautiously took a sip. "It's good," he said, not sounding truly convinced.

"Not like that," Jackson criticized. "Watch." He clinked his glass against Luke's and then they each downed their shots. Luke had never been a huge drinker, preferring plain old beer to anything harder, but if there was any occasion that warranted hard drinking, it was this one.

"Wow," Luke said, wincing. "Strong. What's in it?"

"It's a family secret," Jackson said. "Finally a benefit to having so many rednecks in the family. Want another?"

"Not now," Luke said. "Maybe once everyone gets here."

"Let me try," Kirk said. He downed the shot. He swallowed and immediately started coughing.

"It's good," he said hoarsely, giving Jackson a thumbs-up.

"Soda or lemonade, Kirk?" Luke asked.

"Lemonade," Kirk said. "With a flexi-straw."

"Coming right up," Luke said.

-------

"Well frankly I'm a little hurt, Kirk," Taylor said folding his arms against his chest. "The soda shoppe would have been a wonderful place for a gentleman's event such as this. I mean sure the diner is festive in its own idiosyncratic way, I suppose, but the soda shoppe is clean and new and honestly, what says celebration like a Doose world-famous banana split? I wouldn't have even charged you for extra whipped cream."

"That's awfully generous of you," Luke muttered. He shuffled the cards.

"I wouldn't be bragging about your bananas," Jackson said. "I don't know who your supplier is, but they should be executed for their puny bananas."

Joe snickered. "Yeah, Taylor, you should know that no one likes a puny banana."

Andrew started laughing at that. As did Jackson. Joe was almost turning purple from laughing so hard. Kirk was staring at his cards, but was smiling too. Luke coughed, covering a laugh.

Taylor fumed. "This kind of talk would never be allowed in the soda shoppe. It's a family place."

"I'll go get the sandwiches," Luke said, happy to excuse himself. "Jackson, you can deal. I'll sit out this hand."

He busied himself with setting out the sandwiches and potato chips. He could hear people arguing as he walked out to the front of the diner. Joe and Kirk were arguing about cards.

"You do not have a better hand," Joe said exasperated.

"Yes, I do," Kirk said. "I was online all day today reading about poker in preparation. I'm an expert. Ask me anything."

"Okay," Joe said. "Here's a question. What kind of bizarro world do you live in where your hand would beat my hand?"

"Luke," Kirk called, as he often did whenever he had a question. "Whose hand is better? Mine or Joe's?"

Luke finished arranging the sandwiches and went back to where the guys were playing. He looked at both hands and said, "Sorry Joe. Kirk's right."

Kirk beamed. Joe frowned, pushing the chips over to Kirk. "Figures," he muttered. "We all know that Kirk's Luke's favorite."

Luke narrowed his eyes. "Put the cards away and get some food."

"Hey, Jackson," Andrew said. "Can you refresh our drinks?"

"You bet!" Jackson said. He went in back to concoct more drinks. He refilled Andrew's glass, placing another shot in front of Luke. "You look like you need one."

"Thanks," he said. He considered it for a second. This would only be his second one. If he ate a sandwich and drank nothing else but water for the rest of the night, he'd be fine. He downed the shot. Jackson downed his too.

------

After the sandwiches, after another few hands of poker, there was a knock on the door.

"Who else is coming?" Kirk asked. "Is someone else invited?"

Luke opened the door. There stood two young women, unfamiliar to him. They were both dressed in long coats and boots. "I'm sorry," Luke said. "We're closed."

"You don't look like you're closed," the blonde said looking at the bags of chips and empty glasses on the counter.

"We are," Luke said. "Private function."

"Yes," Kirk said proudly. "My bachelor party."

"A bachelor party," the brunette said to her friend. "Looks like we're in the right place then, huh."

"I'll say," the blonde said. "Hit it."

Her friend hit the switch on a small stereo that she was carrying and placed it on the floor. The two girls both took off their coats to expose…well they weren't exactly naked, but they weren't exactly dressed either.

"Jeez." Luke muttered, averting his eyes. "Okay, that's enough of that." He turned off the stereo.

"I disagree," Joe said.

"Me too," Andrew said. Kirk just stared, openmouthed.

"They can't do this here," Luke reminded them. "This is a place where people eat. Did you order these strippers?" he asked Kirk. "Cause when I asked you if you wanted them, you said no. If I had known, I would have found another place for a…a performance. Or we could have gone to a strip club."

"We don't belong to a strip club," the blonde said. "We freelance and we were paid for in advance." She batted her eyelashes at Luke. "A strip show and a lap dance for the groom-to-be."

"That's me," Kirk said sounding both excited and petrified.

"You get a lap dance," she said looking at Kirk briefly, before turning her gaze back to Luke. "If you wanted one too," she purred, "I'm sure we'd be able to work something out."

"Look Miss--," Luke began uncomfortably.

"I'm Holly and this is Daisy."

"This is a diner," Luke emphasized. "My diner. We do not have strip shows in the diner."

"I would hope not," Taylor said. "Do you know the health codes that you'd be jeopardizing?"

"Yes, I know," Luke said glaring. "Which is why I'm saying no."

"Good," Taylor said, satisfied. "These women even being here must be breaking some ordinance…"

"We can always go up to Luke's apartment," Joe suggested.

"No," Luke said.

"A diner, huh?" Daisy said. "That could be fun. Hey, Holly, have you seen those diners where they have the waitresses in miniskirts and roller skates?"

"I've seen those," Holly said. "You don't have those, do you?"

"No," Luke said, trying to keep his eyes on the ground.

"You should hire us," Holly said flirtatiously. "We look very good in miniskirts and are very, very athletic."

"And we're very good with customers," Daisy said. "Very very good."

"You would need to talk to the city about instituting that," Taylor mentioned helpfully. "And I would insist on you setting them up with health insurance. Roller skating can be dangerous."

"I would come if you had miniskirt-wearing, roller skating waitresses," Joe said to Luke. "And I don't even like your cooking."

"If you're hiring, I'd be interested," Kirk said to Luke, "Well, I'd wear pants of course, but I know how to roller skate too."

"I'm not hiring anyone," Luke said.

Luke wondered who had hired these women. He quickly eliminated Kirk as a suspect, based on his reaction to their presence. Taylor wouldn't have of course.

He remember what Jackson had said earlier about a surprise. Of course. "Come with me," he said to him. Jackson nodded and followed him in back.

"This is your surprise?" Luke asked. "You could have left it a surprise for Kirk. But next time you plan to have strippers in my diner, tell me in advance."

"I didn't hire them," Jackson protested. "I'm married."

"That doesn't mean anything," Kirk said. Luke and Jackson both turned, not realizing that he had followed them in.

"Of course it means something," Jackson said, his voice high-pitched. "You don't even know strippers if you're happily married."

"Not true," Kirk protested. "Sookie knows lots of strippers. She's the one who found some for Lulu's party."

Luke groaned. Jackson gaped at Kirk for a minute, before moving closer to Kirk.

"For God's sake," Luke muttered. "You're not going to hit him."

"I might," Jackson said. "Yep, I think I will." He walked even closer to Kirk, who had started walking backwards, looking like he was about to wet his pants.

Jackson curled his hand into a fist and Kirk yelped, grabbing onto Luke, the sudden movement pushing him forward, leaving Luke's jaw the unfortunate recipient of Jackson's fist.

"Damn it," Luke said, his eyes watering from pain. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He directed the question to both of them.

"I'm sorry," Kirk said, sounding like he was going to cry. "I get jumpy when people come after me raising their fist."

"And what's wrong with you?" Luke said to Jackson. "You know he didn't mean anything by it."

"Luke, I'm so sorry," Jackson said. "Let me get you some ice." He went into the walk-in.

"Go back in front," Luke said to Kirk. Kirk meekly obeyed.

Jackson came back with an ice pack. "It's swelling."

"Of course it's swelling," Luke said irritably. He grabbed the pack roughly, angrily from Jackson and glared at him.

"I'm really sorry," he said. "I know I probably had a few more Melvilles than I should've. I've just been so stressed with some of my crops. And Davey's been colicky, so we haven't been sleeping much. And I know he didn't mean anything. I just---"

Kirk anxiously walked back into the kitchen, not looking at either of them. "Joe's the one who hired Daisy and Holly. They're friends of his cousin. They're going to go perform at his house and Andrew's going too. They invited me and I think I may want to go. Because this is going to be my only bachelor party."

"Go," Luke said.

"Thanks and sorry again," Kirk said. He started walking before he turned back around. "I forgot to give you this." He handed a slip of paper to Luke.

"What's this?" he asked. He pressed the ice harder on his jaw.

"That's Holly's phone number," Kirk said in awe. "She told me that if you ever want a lap dance to call her. She said she wouldn't even charge you."

Luke closed his eyes.

-------

Because he was feeling so guilty about hitting Luke, Jackson felt the need to have another Melville special. Luke declined.

Luke walked him home, because at this point, Jackson seemed very out of it. "I'll walk you home," he said. "But you touch me again and I'll have no problem decking you back."

"Oh dear," Sookie said when she opened the door. "What happened to you?"

"Too many Melville specials," Jackson slurred. "I'm going to bed."

"Alright," Sookie said. "I'll bring you up some water in a second."

To Luke, she said, "This is my fault. His crops haven't been looking too good lately and I told him to relax and have a few tonight to take his mind off of things."

He shrugged. "Thanks for walking him home," Sookie continued. "Do you want something? Come inside for a second and I'll get you some water too. You look a little worse-for-wear too."

He stepped inside and under the light, she saw his jaw. "Oh my god. Your jaw!" she said, her hand on her mouth. "Did Jackson hit you?"

"He wasn't aiming for me," Luke said.

"Promise me something," Sookie said. "Promise me you'll take some time off after the wedding."

Luke held his jaw, which had started to ache again. That sounded like a good idea. "I promise."

To be continued…


	6. Ch 6

Scavenger Hunt

Part 6

By Steph

Summary: The wedding of the year…well it's not who you'd expect. The man very reluctantly put in charge…he's exactly who you expect.

* * *

There was something wrong with his dress pants. They were still a little too wide.

He guessed that if he had let Charles the tailor spend more time on the alterations, the pants probably would have fit him better. Of course, letting Charles spend more time on the alterations would mean letting Charles spend more time "fitting him."

Luke would take the too-wide pants any day.

His jaw, thanks to Jackson, was now slightly swollen and discolored. And still painful despite the aspirin he had been popping.

And yet, despite the odd-fitting pants, despite the swollen jaw, he was happy.

It was Saturday morning.

Today was the wedding.

* * *

"Oh you're here," Kirk said to Luke. "I was worried that you wouldn't show up."

"Why wouldn't I show up?" Luke asked him.

"I have terrible abandonment issues," Kirk said. "I have people checking on Lulu every ten minutes making sure she doesn't flee the scene."

"And she's still here?" Luke asked seriously. He hadn't really considered the possibility that Lulu might leave Kirk at the altar.

Should he have?

"She's still here," Kirk said, relieved. "She's with her mother. I haven't seen her, because that's bad luck, but I've been sending Lorelai and Sookie to check up on her."

"Good," Luke said.

"And Lorelai said the seating and everything is perfect. And Sookie has all the food set up for the ceremony. So I guess there's nothing left to worry about."

Famous last words, Luke thought to himself. "Anything you need from me right now?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kirk said. "Will you help me with my tie?"

Only a few more hours, Luke thought to himself, and then he'd leave. Maybe he'd go fishing. He hadn't been in awhile. He was looking forward to being alone.

"I guess," Luke said. He tied the tie as quickly as he could.

"Thanks," Kirk said. He cleared his throat. "Luke, I'm nervous."

"That's normal," Luke said. "Everything will be fine."

"What if she changes her mind?" Kirk asked him. "I mean she's so pretty and smart and sweet. What if she decides that she doesn't love me? What if she decides that she'd rather be with someone else?"

"She loves you," Luke said kindly. "And I've worked too damn hard on this wedding. She's not going anywhere."

Fortunately Kirk laughed at that. "Thanks, Luke. I know I keep saying it, but I won't forget all you've done for us. And I'm sorry about last night. About what Jackson did."

"Don't worry about it," he said.

"Luke?"

"What is it, Kirk?"

"I know you don't like being hugged. Let me rephrase that. I know you don't like being hugged by me, and I respect that, but I was wondering if I could give you a hug. I'll make it quick."

Luke sighed. "Sure, Kirk."

Kirk gave Luke a quick hug. Luke awkwardly patted his back.

* * *

The actual wedding ceremony was uneventful. Nice, but nothing out of the ordinary. Luke stood next to Kirk. Lulu walked down the aisle to the tune of Lane's band's spirited rendition of "Here Comes the Bride."

Kirk and Lulu recited their vows solemnly, they were pronounced man and wife and Kirk was told that he could kiss the bride.

Many people averted their eyes.

Even now, there was still something almost unnatural about Kirk kissing anyone.

* * *

The aspirin was wearing off and his jaw was starting to ache. The food was laid out and everything looked great.

Eating it, however, might prove to be difficult.

Maybe he'd be able to gum some of the food.

Maybe he should try to score some baby food off of Davey.

He sat down at one of the tables and listened to Lane's band. He had no idea what they were playing, but they sounded decent enough.

And no one had complained yet. Not even Taylor.

And that was always a plus.

"Hey," Sookie said sitting down besides him.

"Hey," he said. "Where's Jackson?"

"Steering clear of you," she said giggling. "I think he's afraid that you're planning to clock him. Speaking of which, your jaw doesn't look so good."

"It doesn't feel that good," he admitted. "Where's Lorelai?"

"With her boyfriend," Sookie said. "I think they're talking to Lulu."

They both turned when they heard the music stop.

"May I have everyone's attention?" Lane called out. "The groom, Kirk Gleason, your friend and mine, would like to take the stage."

Kirk walked up to where the band had been. "Thank you, Lane," he said seriously. "And I'd like to thank you all for coming. It means a lot to me and my wife, Lulu. Let's everyone give a hand to Lulu for showing up. Lulu, please stand up."

Lulu, looking both embarrassed and radiant, stood up to the polite applause and assorted catcalls and whistles. She quickly sat back down.

"Now, some people like to make toasts, but I would rather not. Several people may know about my interest and skills in the arts and I feel a more appropriate tribute to my new bride would be in song."

"He's going to sing?" Luke hissed.

"Yep," Sookie said. "Jackson and Andrew lugged the karaoke machine over here this morning . Which was quite a feat considering how hung over they both were."

Kirk cleared his throat as the music began. As he began to sing, in typical overdone fashion, people around Luke started snickering. At first, Luke assumed they were laughing because Kirk was making an ass out of himself., but a few seconds into the song Luke began to feel that he was missing something.

"What am I missing?" Luke asked Sookie, who was laughing so hard, that she was almost crying.

"Have you ever seen _Titanic_?" she asked him.

"No," he said. 

Kirk continued to sing earnestly, dramatically. "Near, far, wherever you are…I believe that the heart does go on. Once more…you open the door…"

After he was finished, he took a bow. Several people applauded. Someone up front yelled, "I'm king of the world!" Many people also laughed at that.

Lulu, amazingly enough, did not get up and run, but instead looked touched.

"Thank you," Kirk said. "And before I give the stage back to the band, I would like to do one more song. Over the past few weeks, one person has helped me more than I thought anyone would ever help me. And I wanted to do say thank you again to Luke. I'm not going to embarrass you by making a toast. Instead, I would like to dedicate a song to you as well. I don't always know what to say, but somehow Mariah Carey always does."

"He thinks a song will be less embarrassing than a toast?" Luke asked. "This is going to be bad. I can tell."

"There's a hero," Kirk sang, "If you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid. Of what you are."

"That's it," Luke said, standing up. "I need a drink."

He walked over to where the food and the cooler was. He pulled out a beer and waited for the song to be over before walking back to his seat.

* * *

Once back at his seat, Luke was approached by a pretty blonde woman.

"Hi there," she said.

"Hey," he said. She looked slightly familiar, but he couldn't quite place her. Maybe she was one of Lulu's friends.

The woman grinned. "Holly Wheaton. We met last night. I guess you don't recognize me with my clothes on."

Sookie choked on what she was drinking. A few friends of Lulu's, who were also sitting with them, also turned their attention to them.

Oh right the stripper. "Right," he said to her uncomfortably. "I wasn't expecting to see you here. Did Kirk invite you?"

"The groom? No, I came with Joe. He invited Daisy too, but she was working a birthday party today."

Sookie had recovered by now and extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Sookie. I don't think we've met."

Holly shook it. "I was a stripper at the bachelor party last night." She turned to look at Luke. "Did you just get into a fight? I like to think that I'd remember if you were black and blue. Or at least offer to make you feel better." She winked at him.

"My husband hit him," Sookie said. "It was a mistake though. He was aiming for Kirk."

"Oh," Holly said. "Hey, mind if I sit down? I don't think I like Joe too much. He's a little too immature for my taste."

"Sure, sit down" Sookie said. "So how'd you get into stripping?"

Luke turned to her, aghast. Holly didn't seem offended. "Well, I dropped out of college and got married. My husband turned out to be a jerk, we divorced after several years and I started stripping to raise money to go back to school."

"That's interesting," Sookie said. "Are you going to school now?"

"Yes," Holly said. "Cooking school. I've always wanted to be a chef."

"Get out!" Sookie exclaimed.

Luke excused himself and started walking. He hoped that Kirk and Lulu hadn't left yet.

* * *

"Hey man," Kirk said when he saw Luke. "This is a great party."

"Congratulations," Luke said. "Where's Lulu?"

"I'm right here," she said. She walked to them. "I can't believe how perfect today has been."

"Are you guys leaving soon?" Luke asked them.

"Yes," Lulu said. "I just have to thank everyone and say our goodbyes."

"Go on ahead," Kirk told her. "I'll catch up."

She nodded. "Thanks again for everything, Luke. Remember what I said. If you ever need anything…" She kissed him on the cheek and walked off.

"That's my wife," Kirk said watching her.

"I know," Luke said. "Crazy, huh?"

"I'll say."

"Look, I know you two are headed off soon, but I just wanted to give you this." He handed Kirk an envelope.

Kirk stared at it, dumbfounded. "You shouldn't have. You've already done so much."

"It's your wedding," Luke said shrugging.

"I don't know how to make it up to you," he said. "But I will."

"Just promise me one thing. No more songs dedicated to me, okay?"

"Promise," Kirk said and went to catch up with Lulu.

* * *

"Hey Slugger," Lorelai said to him. "Get in any fights lately?"

"Funny," he said. "And no."

"I saw Jackson before he left. That man is afraid of you."

"He has no reason to be," Luke said. "I'm not going to hit him."

"I don't know if he knows that," Lorelai said laughing. Then she looked at him concerned. "How are you really? It still looks a little swollen."

"It's been better," he said. "But I'll live."

"Want to hear something funny? That blonde woman who came with Joe? Miss Patty and Babette have been spreading rumors that she's a stripper. I don't know why they're doing it, but they've been telling everyone. I feel bad for her."

"Don't," Luke said. "She is a stripper."

"Oh," Lorelai said. "Hey, speak of the devil."

Holly walked over to them. "I'm heading out. But it was very nice seeing you again, Luke."

"Yeah," he said. "You too."

Holly smiled at him. "Give me a call sometime. The offer from last night still stands." She laughed at how flustered he seemed. "I know I gave you my number last night, but if you lost it, Sookie has it. She is so nice. She told me that she could help me if I ever had any questions with my studies."

"That's…that's great," he said.

"I'll be seeing you," she said flirtatiously. She gave him one last appreciative glance, before smiling politely at Lorelai and walking away.

Lorelai was looking at him strangely. "Not a word," he said.

* * *

"I forgive you," Luke said. "And I'm not going to hit you. I swear."

"That wasn't the reason I was keeping a low profile. Honestly. I had to check on my crops. And Davey too. It actually had nothing to do with you."

Sookie gave her husband an odd look. "Davey's with your parents. And you told me that the specific reason that you weren't hanging around was because of Lu--"

"Whatever the reason," Jackson interrupted. "I hope that Kirk wasn't too upset that I wasn't around."

Luke, Jackson, Sookie and Lorelai were sitting at one of the tables, drinking the leftover champagne. The four of them sat just enjoying the relative quiet.

"We all did wonderful jobs," Jackson said. "Everything looked great."

"We did it," Sookie said. "And it's all over."

"Thank god," Luke said.

"No more odd food requests from Kirk," Sookie said dreamily.

"No more planning bachelor parties or carrying karaoke machines," Jackson chimed in.

"No more last minute phone calls from Kirk asking me for seating diagrams," Lorelai said.

"No more anything," Luke finished. He took another sip of the champagne.

"They looked happy, didn't they?" Lorelai asked quietly.

The three of them agreed.

Sookie held up her glass. "To Kirk and Lulu."

They all clinked their glasses.

Luke closed his eyes and rubbed his jaw without thinking. He had been planning on leaving town immediately, to jump in his truck and get away. Far far away.

But now, sitting with his friends, admiring the jobs they had all done, he was almost reluctant to leave.

Sookie held up her glass again. "To Luke and the stripper," she said mischievously.

Then again, leaving now would work too.

The End


End file.
